Cuse Country

Home Away From Dome for Syracuse Orange Fans

An open letter to NBA general managers: You seem to have forgotten about Terrence Roberts

Posted by Tom on July 2, 2007

Soaking in the recent megabuzz surrounding this year’s NBA draft, I was pleased to notice the names of Syracuse studs Demetris Nichols and Daryl Watkins tossed around by your ilk. They’re good players, and their likely signing to one of your rosters will serve you well. But in everything from the pre-draft buzz to the draft day reality, the absence of one man’s name from the chatter seemed inexplicable. Left out of the field was a chiseled 6-9 athlete carrying 230 pounds of pure muscle. A man with the heart of a lion, and the power, hunger, and coachability of a kodiak bear. That’s right, NBA general managers. Right about now you should be getting that sinking feeling like you just left your ATM card at a gas station 200 miles back. The time has come for you to explain to your fans how you let Terrence Roberts slip through the cracks.

Browsing through the second round picks from last week’s draft, I’m appalled by the cavalier attitude with which many picks were made. As exhibit A, I present ESPN.com’s description of Milovan Rakovic, the Dallas Mavericks’ second round pick:

“He’ll go back to Serbia, and the chances that we’ll ever hear his name again are slim to none.”

It turns out this isn’t a rare thing, that a foreigner taken with a later pick will opt to return home rather than sign with the NBA team that drafted him. I can personally assure you that you would not have had this problem with Terrence Roberts. This is a guy who would sign anything you put in front of him.

Let’s review the other perks of drafting a guy like TR. First off, since we’re talking about Dallas, let’s imagine a hypothetical where the Mavs are in the closing minutes of a critical game against a San Antonio, Miami, Houston type team – with one of the league’s premier big men. The only way to stop their star is to foul him. Who are you going to send at Shaq, Yao, or Duncan? Dirk Nowitzki? Too valuable. Milovan Rakovic? Sorry, back in Serbia. Dudes. TERRENCE ROBERTS. This is a situation where you send in a guy with some fouls to give, and who really knows how to give them. Any Big East player will tell you that the sheer force and unpredictability with which any of Terrence’s four limbs can move is enough to make even the most aggressive post player go tentative.

Secondly, while agents and image makers are scrambling to craft marketing materials and a web presence for all the newly drafted college players, Terrence Roberts has been prepared for this moment since 2006. Please allow me to introduce you to terrenceroberts.com, because clearly you have yet to experience it. Obviously the site is dynamite, as it follows the rule of any great epic: it makes you laugh, makes you cry, and leaves you wanting more.

I understand there may have been concerns about the knee surgery he just underwent, but as has previously been established, the knee injury only made TR that much more awesome. Or perhaps you were scared away by his self-admitted anger management issues on terrenceroberts.com. But friends, this is not something to be feared – merely channeled for the benefit of your team.

Final warning, NBA general managers. There is not enough Terrence Roberts to go around. You do not want to let this man’s first visit to your town be with an opposing team. Get Terrence Roberts in a jersey now!

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